There are very few things that can make me so angry that I feel a ball of hatred within my chest and the quiet urge to vomit. But the one happening currently is the roar of anger I feel because of the Columbine movie being made, entitled “I’m Not Ashamed.” It makes me so furious that I go into my quiet mode- the worst mode, because when I do speak, I speak with sharpness and cruel clarity, and anyone who feels this fury is rapidly full of fear.

Why make a movie where you re-enact the events from April 20, 1999 in Columbine High School? I can tell you the reason PureFlix is making it. The same reason Rachel Joy Scott’s mother fabricated the story surrounding her daughter’s death that the movie is about.

Money, money, money.

It would make me sick, but the rage cancels it out.

Now, I wasn’t in Columbine that day and to my knowledge I don’t know anyone who was there, either.
I was only in 6th grade, and I went to a school in Colorado that is over an hour away from Columbine high school. However, a unique set of circumstances placed me out of school that day. I was actually in a car in Denver that day, listening to the madness on my mother’s police scanner. It was strange and garbled and I didn’t understand most of it.

The next day, back in school, we had an entire day of silence. I remember my schedule from that day perfectly because of that. I went through 2 classes wherein the teachers informed us we were not to talk, do any work, read, or draw. It was assumed we knew why.

My mother did not get the paper and we did not get the news either, so I had no idea what was happening until my third class, when the teacher finally asked if there was anyone who didn’t know what had happened the day before.

I alone raised my hand, and she looked at me in disbelief. But she handed me a newspaper anyway, and what I read did terrify me, but mostly the photo was what instilled the fear; a half page, full color photo of two boys, guns in hand, dead in pools of blood, brain matter visible.
I felt many things that day about it and have felt many since. That day changed my school experiences drastically.

Severe anti-bullying policies, mandatory locker searches, teacher’s distrust of students who wore black, banning of certain coats, threatening us with clear backpacks and the possibility of being patted down before entering school was just the start. Other students were more clearly divided than ever before, and if you lived a more alternative lifestyle, you were openly shunned. No unity came from this day. Nothing good came from this day, and anyone who doesn’t remember the details can feel free to relive them through countless youtube channels with the actual footage, and the detailed accounts from the students who managed to survive that day.

Why would you make a movie about this? Children did this. Children were murdered and hurt badly. Children committed suicide. It is shameful that this was even brought up as a movie possibility. I believe strongly in freedom of expression- we cannot function as a free society without it- however, the lengths people will go to make money from a tragedy and push their own agenda are pathetic. Much like the movie 9/11, it is senseless and plays upon the victims, making a mockery for the entertainment of others.

This has nothing to do with any of my own personal beliefs. If they absolutely had to make a Columbine move, why film the events of that day? I don’t think anyone would have much of an issue with this movie if it simply ended with a black screen stating that the girl was killed. Instead, they’re going the way of The Passion of the Christ, but with modern children, bombs, and guns this time, filming a story that has been proven to be fiction as though it were fact.

More proof of this lies within the fact that I’m Not Ashamed has been given a PG-13 rating. Teens can see this without an adult and adults might go see it because it isn’t rated G or PG so they won’t be bored. The MPAA rates movies such as this on extremely loose terms in order to make money and push agendas- that’s not conspiracy, either. Most of the members who are listed publicly are essentially middle-class, religious soccer moms in their upper-to-mid 50’s. The only real rule they have is a limit on the amount of times the ‘f-word’ can be utilized.

Obviously, the studio who created this film cares only for money and pushing their religious agenda by appealing to strong emotional reactions. They are relying on controversy, and it is hard to find something more controversial than this. It is shameful and pathetic, and I hope the movie fails miserably at the box office, or we might find ourselves with a Sandy Hook film in two years.