Wealth inequality, institutionalized racism, Hobby Lobby, nuclear families, Islamophobia, the Washington Redskins, immigration laws, and others are incessantly on all of our collective minds. This evil world is completely unequal, and not even public demonstrations or hashtags have been able to make carbon copies out of all of us. English is still being spoken throughout America, and religious freedom is alive and well. If you thought life had meaning, you were wrong. Everything sucks, and there is nothing we can do about it.

However, these colors of inequity pale in comparison to one shade of injustice which has plagued humans throughout our history and continues to perpetuate itself without ever being addressed on a grand scale: The Height Gap.

As a 5’6” and a half gentleman, I have experienced the darkness of being one of The Short in a society dominated by The Tall (much of the aforementioned darkness is a direct result of literally being stuck in their shadows). We, The Short, are forced to stand on our tippy-toes and on phone books while The Privileged Tall are able to reach condiments and canned goods on the top shelves without any effort at all. The Tall never have to worry about where to sit in a movie theater or where to stand at concerts. They excel at basketball (a sport rife with systemic Longism) and exercise their membership in the Heightriarchy by folding their legs completely over each other on the subway (an oft ignored microaggression). The Tall see further than the short, and refuse to empathize with the fear of being used as an armrest as The Short are forced to do on a daily basis. Our people are hatefully mocked by the media in the form of Munchkins, Dwarves, Oompa Loompas, and Smurfs, and we, The Short, have had it up to here (which isn’t as high as we’d like it to be in the first place) with being viewed as lower-level citizens.

To reform height inequality in America and throughout the globe, I propose supporting Bernie Sanders to be our President, Fuhrer, Chairman, and Supreme Lord of All Physical and Metaphysical Matter in 2020. Just as he promised to steal property and wealth from the upper classes and arbitrarily distribute it to his constituency during his 2016 campaign, Sanders is the only man who might be willing to take action on height inequality by hacking off segments of The Tall’s limbs and surgically adding them to the bodies of The Short. With Obamacare already in place, the medical processes would be paid for by The Rich, so The Short would not have to contribute anything to alleviating this form of discrimination unless they are rich themselves.

Height Inequality is an even more immoral problem in society than wealth inequality. At least people who have money either earned it or maintained what they inherited. In height, there is no merit to be heard of. People are simply born at their maximum distance from the Earth without any effort or need to preserve it. This breeds a sense of entitlement among The Tall. They don’t see a thing wrong with holding their heads higher than the rest of ours, a prime example of Tall Privilege.

Once we are all equal in height, the world will be a much better place. The government can take over garment manufacturing since a one-size-fits-all policy would make sense. This would prevent us from having to suffer from inequality, responsibility, and freedom ever again.

Remember, guys: we are all in this together (except The Tall who must be forced to pay their fair share in inches). Let’s #FeelTheBern as one and #EradicateHeightInequality once and for all!

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